Paper Towns is one of my favorite books ever. It was written by John Green and later made into a movie (which followed the book fairly well). I’m going to talk about why it is a favorite of mine which involves discussing one of the main themes of the book. This post is not really a book review as I am going to talk more about how that theme relates to real life, so don’t worry if you have not read or seen the movie yet, this post will be spoiler free.

Paper Towns… is one of the most realistic books I have ever read. Seriously. It’s a young adult fiction in a high school setting and it nails its portrayal of teenagers almost better than anything I have read or seen before. But that is only the background of it, not what made this book so amazing to me. That would be how accurately it portrays the way people see others compared to how people see themselves, or how a person actually is. As a society, we are all guilty of conjuring up images of others in our head that do no always match reality, much like the main character in the book, Quentin, is guilty of doing with his next door neighbor, Margo. I won’t go into a lot of detail because I said I wouldn’t spoil the story (and it could take a while), but suffice it to say that while searching for Margo using the clues she left after she disappears, Quentin discovers there is so much more to Margo than he ever realized. Same thing happens with another character in the book. Initially she is only seen as a beautiful girl who is possibly a little stuck up or haughty, but then they come to realize that she is smart, caring, and willing to do anything for her friends. (And the ending.. Man, the ending is my favorite, it’s soooo good. I can’t even say anything about it without spoiling it, so go read the book if you haven’t already!)

Okay, so now to what I really want to talk about, and that is how the book mirrors reality in that sense. People do not take the time to really get to know someone, whether it’s someone at school, at work, an acquaintance, or sometimes even a close friend or family member. And it is not because they do not want to, but because they form their own opinions and images of a person. It’s like selective hearing except instead of hearing what they want to hear, they see what they want to see. The only way to change that is to make people see you how you really are, in your true light. Which is what Margo, unintentionally, does in Paper Towns.

This was all true before, but with the rise of social media, this has become even more of an issue. Whether you are posting positive or negative things, or everything in between, you are creating an image of yourself, an online image to be precise, on which people are taking to be the real you and formulating their own opinions of you. I truly believe social media greatly hinders our ability to get to know someone. We get a false sense of a person by looking at them through a screen (whether it be phone or computer). Mostly because they can post whatever they want. It doesn’t make it true. Just because they posted a happy status doesn’t mean they’re really feeling happy. Maybe they posted that cute puppy video because they were sad and trying to cheer themselves up. Unless we really know that person, we won’t know for sure.

A great example of this is people posting about their relationship online. I have on at least two different occasions seen friends of mine post about their partner in such a way that I myself became jealous of their relationship and thought to myself #relationshipgoals. And these were long-term relationships too, not no two-week flings. But next thing I know, out of the blue, they are suddenly riding very solo. I go from thinking they’re perfect and surely going to get married someday to thinking if they can’t make it, no one will.

Okay, but maybe relationships aren’t a good example though, because if you’re having problems with your significant other, that kind of stuff should be left off of social media anyway. Seriously, that stuff is best left dealt with behind closed doors. On the other hand, although we know that problems with our partner should be kept private, we still get fooled by all of the positive posting into thinking that everything is perfect with them (so it’s still kind of a good example, yeah?).

I have issues with this myself. I sometimes see people how I want to see them. Sometimes even see a connection with them that isn’t there. Social media is mostly to blame for it. It’s easy to think highly or poorly of someone based on what they post, but ever since I read Paper Towns and realized I do that, I’ve been trying to recognize when I do that and remember that there’s more to a person than what they post. I’m much better with face-to-face interactions when getting to know someone, but even then I make mistakes sometimes and assume things incorrectly.

So take the time to get to know someone. Small talk is okay, especially in the very beginning to help break the ice and establish a comfort level, but then dig deeper afterwards. What’s their perfect day? What are their hopes and dreams? Biggest accomplishment? Biggest regret? What keeps them up at night? What was their happiest childhood memory? And don’t just ask, but listen as well. Social media also gets in the way of people really seeing others because often we have our eyes glued to our phones. If you really want to get to know someone, put the phone down, stop looking at their online profiles, and actually talk to them. (Unless you’re going to call them, then you can pick your phone back up. What’s that? Yeah, you can actually talk to people on your phone. Hear their voice and everything. So crazy, I know) But seriously, do people even talk on the phone anymore, or do they only text nowadays? I guess if it’s your friends it doesn’t matter much.. I mean, emojis are really cool and gifs too, but I think significant others should talk on the phone and have a healthy mixture of that and texting. That’s just me though. But I digress. Whether they are your friends, coworkers, or even family, make sure you are getting to know who they really are. Don’t try to do it from a distance or through a phone/computer screen. It’ll make your life a lot better and a whole lot easier.

Thanks for reading my thoughts on this matter. Until next time.

Enjoy your 4th of July weekend!

The lyrics for this post’s title came from Childish Gambino’s Hold You Down