I have come to realize that I have a hard time giving up on people. I see the good in them, see the potential connections we could have, and refuse to give up on it. I meet someone and I immediately start thinking about how this person could fit into my life, both in the present and in the future (am I the only one that does this?). If I see something there, then I try my hardest to make that come to fruition.

If there is one thing you could say about me, it is that I will try, and try, and try. I know I have complained in the past (including even in a previous post) about always giving more and putting in more effort into a relationship than the other person, but as much as I would like the effort to be even, it is not always going to be that way. I have accepted that, though. I understand that more often than not, I will be the person trying harder and willing to go the extra mile. That is who I am, and I do not want to change that about myself.

I talk a lot about making sure people know where they stand with me, and that is part of why I will try so hard or give more. I want the person on the receiving end to understand how much they mean to me, whether it is platonically or romantically. I care so much about people and want them to be happy, especially my friends. So I try too hard or come off as awkward or annoying or desperate, but it is only me trying to be a good friend.

At the same time, some things cannot be forced. Feelings are either there or they are not. And sure, they can be faked, but that is even worse than being admitted to that there is not anything there. So while I may put in a ton of effort, I understand I am not entitled to that person in any capacity. While I may see something there, while I may envision some sort of future with a person, it has to go both ways. Some relationships have an expiration date; others never even get off the ground.

But as I mentioned above, I do not like to give up. I am extremely patient. Good things take time after all. So even if there is nothing there on their end, though my efforts may cease and I appear to desist trying, I will still be there, hoping beyond hope that maybe someday they will feel something they did not before.

All this to say, I believe in myself. I believe in who I am and what I stand for. I want to believe in people, that they are good and kind and caring, and that we can all be friends and get along despite whatever differences of opinion we may have. And for those that I have romantic feelings for, I want to believe that anything can happen. It may not be right away, it may not happen ever, but I will never stop believing. Call me crazy, or just plain call me. Crazier things have happened after all.

The lyrics for this post’s title came from Childish Gambino’s Bonfire