I started this blog about a year and a half ago. Since then, I have posted nine times, which comes out to be a post every other month. Except it has been almost seven months since my last post…. whoops! But I’m back now, and for those who have missed me, and for those who are checking my blog out for the first time, welcome. I will be using this post to redefine the purpose of this blog, so let’s get on to it!

I went back and reread my first blog post. Surprisingly, I did not hate it. I set out to write about anything and everything (“random as random can be” I believe was the exact quote) for practice in the hopes of one day becoming a fantasy writer. I have not strayed from that in any of my posts and will continue to write about whatever may cross my mind, but you will see a lot of my future posts focus on me personally, as in who I am, what I experience, and what I think.

The hope of this repurposing is for me to get in better touch with myself. I struggle with who I really am, all the time. I ask myself, “Am I who others perceive me as, or am I who I think I am/who I want to be?” It is a question I have a hard time answering. The easiest answer to that is perception is reality. When someone looks at me, what they see is who I am to them, whether I see myself a different way or not. I’m not okay with that answer, though. I want to be true to myself and show everyone who I am, and if they don’t see it, then that is on them. I will at least be satisfied that I tried my best.

This is hard for me to do, however. In my mind, everyone is judging me, always. I know it’s not true, but I feel that way, and so I often hide what I think and make stupid jokes. And when all you really want in life is to feel accepted and liked, that can really mess with a person. I understand that I may feel so alone because of the fact that I am slow to take a side sometimes, in order not to offend someone whom I want to like me. I realized recently that I do that, but perhaps everyone else has picked up on it already, hence the lack of people I would count as close friends. I pride myself on being honest and not fake, and wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is fake myself, so if people perceive that of me… well, that tells me I need to work on that. I have strong opinions on issues and real thoughts on life, and I will be using this blog to broadcast that to you all while I work on presenting that persona in real life as well.

Finding oneself is hard. I am sure I am not the only one who has, or does, feel this way. The best advice I can give you is the same advice I give myself, which is to take it one day at a time and try to be true to yourself.

I will leave at that for this reintroduction of me. Until next time, peace, love, and positivity y’all.

The lyrics for this post’s title came from Childish Gambino’s 3005