The Chicago Cubs game against the Milwaukee Brewers was postponed tonight due to rainy weather in Chicago. Jake Arrieta was slated to start tonight and I was very excited to watch his follow-up start to his no-hitter. But alas, I will have to wait until tomorrow night instead. However, with my newfound free time, I decided it was time for a new post! I’ve been planning this one out for a while now, but have had too many distractions to get started on it. I’m going to share with you all one of my favorite Childish Gambino songs, Be Alone. This song has a few lines in it that speak to me “on a spiritual level” as people like to say these days. First, I’ll post the lyrics, bold the lines that I’m going to talk about, then get into what those lines mean to me. It’s going to be a long post. Ready? Allons-y!

“Be Alone” – Childish Gambino
[Hook:]
I don’t wanna be alone
I don’t wanna be alone
I don’t wanna be alone
Oh, oh, oh
I don’t wanna be alone
I don’t wanna be alone
I don’t wanna be alone
Oh, oh, oh
‘Cause ya know, somewhere inside
I cannot find
The feeling I got from you
No, somewhere inside
I cannot find
The feeling I got from you

[Verse 1:]
Hard for a pitchfork, soft for a Rockefeller
Music was my side chick, but now we’re moving in together
Always felt misunderstood, I guess I have to tolerate
My swag Jehovah Witness, dude, it never take a holiday
APC jeans, brown leather jacket on
Kitsuné cable knit, cardigan from Rag & Bone
Thick Filipino chick, homemade bracelet
Her booty make her just a rapper, she ain’t gotta say shit
I’m someone they admire
Set the game ablaze, I’m an arcade fire
Laughed at my rides like my motion was funny
Yes, ashy to classy, my lotion is money
The ride is easy when the dollar’s there to grease the wheels
Now everybody tell me what to do and how to feel
It seems the more I try to connect with the world
I am feeling more alone than I ever have felt before
I wanna pick up the phone, ask my dad how to handle it
But what will happen when my dad’s not there to answer it?
I try to clear my mind of thoughts that only slow me down
Like when these niggas call me “faggot” and “we homies now”
But we are not homies, I just keep you around
‘Cause all your talkin’ is the noise I need to kill this sound
Have all these voices tellin’ me no one can help me out
We are alone I’m just the only one to figure out

[Hook]

[Verse 2:]
“You are the bestest, I will obey you”
These words I wrote for you when you were fuckin’ other dudes
The only thing I need from you now is some solitude
Actions over words, “girls will be girls,” that’s all it proves
I used to be this guy sittin’ with an open heart
Now my computer screen’s the only place I feel a spark
I don’t fuck with fake bitches, except for when I fuck with fake bitches
Canon 5D to take pictures of these girls who wouldn’t talk to me a year ago
49er chick askin’ for money, she get zero, though
Here I go again talkin’ money, women, and clothes, and cars, right?
You could switch all of my words out with Plies’, right?
People sayin’ we’re the same, please, come from under me
We are just some rappers, got no luxury of subtlety
No subjects when we’re rappin’, we say it like we hear it
I put it on a track but I hope you get the spirit ’cause

[Hook]

This song is full of wordplay, puns, and symbolism, but what I absolutely love is that it’s all real. Gambino does this on all his tracks; he says what’s really in his mind and tells us about things that has happened to him in the past. He doesn’t make up anything for a song because it sounds good. He keeps it real. He even says in his song My Shine, “In fact, I swear the track I lie on’s my last track”. And I believe him. I’ve listened to enough of his songs enough times (pretty much all of them, a hundred times each.. I’m obsessed) to feel that that is the truth. This song just happens to speak to me more than his other ones.

For this song specifically, I feel he’s speaking of how even in this world with the internet and all these social media apps and connectedness, us humans are still alone as ever. “We are alone, I’m just the only one to figure out” he says at the end of verse one. However, you’ll notice that his hook clearly states that he doesn’t want to be alone. Even though he feels that we are all alone, and that he is alone, he is still saying that he doesn’t want to be alone. I can’t tell you how often I have felt this way, even as an introvert and a loner. Humans will always want social interaction in some form or another. Facebook is a good example of how you can still be alone while having lots of friends. I routinely clean out my friends list or unfollow people because I’ll end up with people on there that will interact with me on the site, but I see them in person and there’s no exchange whatsoever. Same thing happens on Instagram and Snapchat and any other social app you can think of. What is it about the internet and these apps that takes away our ability to interact face-to-face with people? I am not always the most talkative guy, but I would much rather prefer to talk to someone in person than text all day long, or only send snaps, or like all of their statuses on facebook. Dating apps are another good example. Do people even meet in real life anymore? Now, I’m pretty awkward and quiet in real life, but you put me on a dating app and it’s 10 times worse. Dating apps are not for me. Social apps really aren’t either. The problem with the internet and these apps is that You Can Be Anyone You Want on them. It is not a fair representation of who you are as a person, because let’s face it, you control what gets posted, so you only post things that put you in a good light. Or you use it to “humblebrag” about the “awesome” things you’re doing or places you’ve visited. I’m guilty of it as well. The line about my computer screen being the only place I feel a spark is where that comes into play, because we all live for those ‘likes’. But I think that’s why society has trust issues and why I can agree with Gambino that we are all alone, cause we all know that we do that, so we don’t feel like we really know anyone. At least I know I feel that way.

I’m sure a lot of you may disagree with me and that’s okay (you know, cause we’re all entitled to our own opinion). Maybe I feel this way cause I’ve never had that tight group of friends that did everything together. There are always exceptions. And maybe I’m on the other side completely. Maybe me being alone is the exception to everyone else not feeling that way. Somehow I think not, but then again, it’s not like I’ve done any research into this, I’m merely using my observations of friends and acquaintances.

It seems the more I try to connect with the world
I am feeling more alone than I ever have felt before
I wanna pick up the phone, ask my dad how to handle it
But what will happen when my dad’s not there to answer it? – I want to talk about this line right here, because this line speaks to me way more than the other ones. I feel this on a daily basis. The ‘easiest’ way to connect with the world these days is through the internet, and I’ve listed above the reasons why that does not really work for me. So every time I do attempt to do that, I do end up feeling more alone than I did before. This blog is probably another example of that. Way more people than I ever expected have been reading my posts so far, which is great for me, yet the only person that’s commented or really mentioned any of my posts to me was a complete stranger that stumbled upon my blog somehow, you know, because the internet. And yes, I know I can go out into the real world and meet real people, and I do try that. I am not that great at striking up a conversation with anyone, anywhere, so that does not always work out for me either. Plus, I am currently living in a small, college town, which does not offer me many opportunities to meet new people my age in which I can befriend. As for the second part of the line, well, I feel like calling my dad a lot, and for a lot of reasons, but sadly he passed away four years ago. So I am already dealing with the whole ‘he’s not there to answer it’ bit. It’s rough, but also why I love music so much when it’s relatable. It really can help you through anything and make you feel better. I immediately thought of my dad when hearing this line and while it made me sad, it also made me feel good/better, if that make sense.

I do believe that a lot of people, despite having so many ways to ‘connect’ with others, do still feel alone at the end of the day. It’s why we search out ways to connect to people day in and day out and get so excited when we meet someone who shares an interest with us or shares the same quirky trait that we do. We are forever looking for ways to bond with others, for the simple fact that we are alone, but do not want to be. Humans are a social being and crave social interactions, and I feel that the internet is doing the opposite of meeting those needs in most cases. I mean, it is good to be alone sometimes. I feel that we all need that sometimes, to help us grow, become independent and strong on our own. But it is not something we want or need all of the time.

Now, with all of that being said (and to wrap this up so I can go watch the Ducks blow another Game 7 on their home ice. They should’ve finished it up Game 6.. I’m a little bitter and pessimistic about it), I embrace being alone. I know, I just contradicted myself, right? But hear me out. We are alone. I am alone. And so I have embraced it and made it a part of me. I don’t want to be alone. I still want connections and close friends and hopefully one day a partner/wife, but in the meantime I have taken control of me being alone. I go places by myself. The movies, the zoo, dinner, hiking. Last month I told you all how I was going to fly to Utah by myself, really just for the heck of it (okay, Kobe was a big part of that, but still). I won’t limit myself because I am alone, and you shouldn’t either.

Okay so, I just wrote a lot, but I’m not sure how much I actually said. I didn’t really organize anything so it’s a little look-in of how my brain works and some of my scattered thoughts in there. Hopefully you can relate to some of it, but if not, maybe you’ll understand me a little better. And if you made it this far, thank you and you deserve a cookie.

Until next time, carry on.

 

The lyrics for this post’s title came from Childish Gambino’s Be Alone